Put simply, to me, becoming your own man means making your own decisions. If you were to ask a random guy on the street, “do you make your own decisions in life?” he may look at you like you're insane. “Of course I do,” he may retort. Really?

Many people you know may be in a committed relationship. Their partner may not be a good fit for them, but they stay in the relationship out of scarcity and a desperate desire not to be lonely. And possibly to get a pat on the shoulder from their parents. “Well done, you've made us proud, son.”

I think asking the question would make the guy on the street introspect and ponder his life. Doubt may be sown in his mind. However, lets assume he felt confident that his agency was completely de-coupled from external sources of validation. If so, would he still be so confident if he found out the truth of sexual economics?

How would the guy on the street fare if he found out that his wife – three years older than himself – had been desperate to find a partner? That she was about to turn 31 when she met him, and that she didn't want to miss her child birth window? That she'd already 'had her fun' with numerous bad boys when she was younger and healthier (while her now-husband had had no fun)?


Alphas & Sigmas

I'm not a huge fan of nebulous terms like 'alpha,' or 'sigma,' but lets use them as place holder labels. An alpha is a leader who has total conviction in his own thoughts and actions. He puts himself in charge and makes others do things for him and gets the herd in line. The sigma has total conviction in his own thoughts and actions, but doesn't rely on placing himself above others in a hierarchy. He can take a leadership role when required and can outperform an alpha.

I don't think reality is quite as clear cut as this, since the labels are dependent upon context. It's about how you relate to others, in various different contexts. An alpha male won't outmuscle a female CEO in a meeting in which she gets the final say, for example. However, the general mindset that an alpha or sigma male has will permeate every facet of their life. Sigmas and alphas are naturally protectors of loved ones, which is an attraction trigger for females.

Contrast this with a beta or omega male. Both are labels for men who are followers. They follow the herd. Beta males look to others for how to feel about a situation, and even themselves. On average, betas and omegas tend to have less testosterone than sigmas and alphas, which can account for a lack of competitive edge.

Alphas and sigmas are selfish in that they want the best for themselves, but not necessarily at the expense of others. They are at the centre of the universe in their own lives. They think about things as they relate to them. When they make decisions, they start by thinking about themselves. As an individual. They do not start by thinking what is best for a tribe of people.

So, back to the average guy on the street. Did he necessarily scratch beneath the surface to see how he could get the best possible result in the sexual market place? It is one thing to know the truth about something and decide to do it anyway. For example, if you love smoking you'll do it regardless of knowing it's not good for you. It's another thing to put blind trust in something and not listen to yourself, or question what it is you think you want.

The act of cold approaching women and flirting one-on-one, face-to-face, is highly sigma. An alpha would more often than not choose to leverage his position in a hierarchy for mate selection. Of course, there are probably many alphas who do one-on-one cold approach too. Even in a nightclub, where it may seem like all one-on-one interactions are independent of everything else in the environment, they are not. In a club, there is a hierarchy. A VIP table indicates higher status, for example. Of course this won't stop a sigma from approaching women in a club and succeeding. A bar is easy pickings for a sigma.


Choosing Sigma

With this in mind, what's the most beneficial aspiration to have as a guy starting out in cold approach? If flirting face-to-face on the street appeals to you, then aiming for sigma is a wise choice. You may already be sigma, but want to apply your sigmaness (new word) to dating. You'll naturally be able to play to your strengths. If you are not already sigma, it is possible that you are a beta who is used to being a follower, or you're a gamma male.

A gamma wishes they could be alpha or sigma. However, instead of exhibiting true alpha or sigma behaviours, they're a weasel. Their behaviours are naturally unattractive. They struggle to get ahead, and therefore their tactic is to try to tear down alphas and sigmas. They're essentially jealous and attempt to sabotage others out of spite for being overlooked by women. They're deluded and don't understand how women can't see how amazing they are. A gamma male is more likely to become a sigma than an alpha, if he ever makes it. He must discard his fake warrior king delusion and actually evolve to succeed.

If you're a beta male, you'll have to make a deep identity change in order to become sigma or alpha. It'll be a different kind of journey to a gamma's – hopefully easier. Being sigma or alpha makes abundance with women vastly easier than being beta. If a beta wants to successfully date a variety of women whose SMV (sexual market value) is higher than his own, he will have to become sigma or alpha.

You may be thinking that there are examples of multi-millionaire beta males who get women who are younger and hotter than themselves. Yes, but now status has been thrown into the mix. Cold approach, face-to-face flirting is not a status-driven activity: certainly not for the average guy. You may also be thinking, OK but surely a beta male can date whoever he wants as long as he's fine with the role of provider and nurturer? YES, but women will choose him for these qualities (often towards the end of their fertility window, with lowered SMV).

A beta male may date some women, but the dating process will be slow and cumbersome. If at any moment the woman decides he's not a good long term prospect, he'll be binned by the woman, sans intimacy. Most beta males have very few sexual partners. The global male population is predominantly made up of beta males. You can look up the number of sexual partners that the average guy has in his lifetime.


Your Decision

This really is where it gets interesting. Where does the random guy on the street, with his 31 year old wife, fit into the sexual hierarchy? You may have guessed it: he's an average beta male. He made the choice to marry the woman (possibly with 'well-meaning' pressure from her and her parents), with no prior girlfriends. Did he, deep down, want to have dated women who were younger and hotter than himself, prior to the marriage? Or, was he looking for one woman who would make do, all along? Let's imagine the guy kept walking after he was asked if he makes his own decisions in life. We'll never know the true answer. But he'll know. Is he OK with his life choices?

Your choices are yours to make. At least, they could be.