You won’t gel with all women. Shock. Horror. You can’t catch em’ all. If this is a threat to your ego, then you need to do some work on fixing your inner self, and your self-esteem. Because, as a man, you cannot allow a random woman on the street, who happens to be pretty, to wreck your ego. I’ve always cringed at the term ‘rejection.’ Guys talk about how a woman rejected them and how terrible it was (often in an ‘I’m not worthy,’ pity-seeking way). To me, the term ‘rejection’ itself doesn’t even make sense.

It takes two to tango. It’s an old, cliched expression but one that’s worth keeping in mind. If you had a conversation with a guy you’d never met before, and you realized it wasn’t a very organic, flowing interaction, despite your best attempts at being socially savvy and uninhibited, you would just conclude that you had a lack of chemistry. Right? Why would you treat women any differently? This is why pedestalizing women is such a big problem. With enough exposure to women, you’ll come to realize that they are people, with their own good qualities, but also insecurities, issues, and baggage.

It’s very rare to get a rude response when you’ve been courteous to someone. So, if you get a ‘bad response’ from a woman, often it’s just an outward expression of the way she feels internally. Maybe she was recently dumped by her boyfriend, or her cat just passed away. We simply don’t know what her situation is. Yet another reason not to take a lack of vibing as a ‘rejection.’ ‘Rejection’ is often seen as a personal attack by a person with low self-esteem.

It is therefore a sign of inexperience if a guy talks about how ‘rejection’ affects him. Guys who are ‘good with women’ don’t talk about ‘rejection.’ They usually talk about whether they vibed with a girl or not. If they vibed with a woman, they’ll say, ‘I’ve got a little thing going with this girl.’ If they probe at a woman with charisma and clear intent, and nothing comes back, or they realize the pretty woman isn’t making him attracted to her, then you won’t hear anything about that woman. There was no attraction. It’s not a big deal. It should be water off a duck’s back.

If you still want to believe that incompatibility is a rejection of you as a person, then you are shooting yourself in the foot. Even if a woman did outright ‘reject you’, and called you a terrible man and a terrible human being to your face, what would stop her rejecting you two years down the line?

Imagine one day you’re in a great mood. You get stopped by a charity sign-up person. You decide to sign up there and then. On another day, when you’re stressed, late to an appointment, and in a questionable mood, you brush the charity sign-up person off. You ‘reject’ them.

It could have been the exact same sign-up person, treating you the exact same way, in both scenarios. Yet, you behaved differently. Was the rejection a rejection of the sign-up person, the charity organisation they represent, and the overall concept of charity? Of course not. Don’t make the same assumptions about women’s behaviour.

Stop taking things personally.

You also need to understand that in cold approach, value has to be delivered effectively within a short space of time. This comes with its own set of inherent hurdles. 

Cold approach entails doing the right things at the right time, in a time efficient way. If your eye contact is a bit too needy, a woman may decide you’re incompatible. If you’re too uptight, your intent and charisma may not shine through and doesn’t spark a reaction in her. If you try to shake hands before a woman is hooked, she may decide to leave. Improved calibration is honed through experience, but won’t guarantee an outcome.

It will become apparent that the better you get at cold approach, the more women you’ll find you’re compatible with. You’ll wonder why you spent so much time kicking yourself over past ‘rejections.’

Realise that compatibility is the result of two things. Firstly, you and the woman are both open to flirting and want to flirt (she does not have a boyfriend, isn’t stressed out etc). Secondly, you (the man) have the appropriate cold approach skills. Control what you can control, which is keeping a positive mind and focusing on improving your skills.