Guys' starting points vary when it comes to cold-approaching for the first time. Some guys take to face-to-face flirting quicker than others. Many gain traction and get satisfactory results quickly relative to others. Why do some guys succeed faster?

Let's use the widely recognized definition of 'the pinnacle of success' in daytime flirting: the ability to get a woman who is younger and better looking than yourself. Punching above your own weight basically indicates that skill was involved. A lot of guys would be happy to get a girl whose SMV (sexual market value) is equal to their own.

The point is not to get bogged down on the definition of success, but rather to point out that cold approach is hard. Most guys are not good at it, hence there's a learning process and a learning curve involved. No guy should blame looks (among other things) for their lack of results. Every guy can learn to punch above their own weight, relative to their own SMV. Back to the question: why do some guys succeed faster than others?

One common denominator that the fast-learning students share is that they have good mental fortitude. Lets use mental fortitude here as an umbrella term for: resilience, persistence, will power, desire to win, etc. Such mental fortitude usually comes from having participated in competitive environments. In other words, it's mental toughness that has been forged (in the hot furnace of competition). It's therefore something a guy has worked for. It can be applied to other endeavors, including completely new ones. Examples include sports, or activities like chess.

The fast-learners don't give up too easily. They push themselves even when they don't initially feel comfortable. In cold approach it's just you competing with yourself. There is no 'other.' There's no direct one on one confrontation (unless you're a gamma). If you make cold approach about competing with others and bench-marking yourself against them, this will only hold you back. A lot of guys who get good fast have humility when it comes to learning.

The key to success is being prepared to get back on the horse after falling off. That's easier if you have a track record of patience and level-climbing. Take martial arts, for example. There's a belt system. As a white belt novice, you don't just turn up for a few sessions and expect to be handed a black belt. You've done absolutely NOTHING to deserve the black belt. You haven't even learned all of the moves necessary to get the yellow belt yet. Oh yes, but your ego wants that black belt NOW. Just as you want to get jacked NOW, or become successful at anything NOW.

Take steps in the right direction. What's required to reach the black belt level? Humility, a willingness to repeat repetitive actions, to give it your all, and to listen. If you're not willing to do that, then you have nobody to blame for your lack of black belt but yourself. It is that simple.

A black belt is not something you wear, it is something you become.



You wouldn't seek out coaching from a black belt and respond to the black belt's suggestions by answering, 'mm, okay, but I usually do it this way...' That's just silly. You have to take the long-term perspective and map out exactly what you're going to have to do, together with your coach. The coach is an expert in their field, and their black belt says it all. The coach's live demos should give you inspiration and hope, not a defeatist outlook. The black belt was not born with the motor responses that have become part of him. He is not a special snow flake. Nor are you. You're cut from the same cloth.

Another common denominator among the fast-learners is a sound baseline social competence. That doesn't mean they're good at flirting from the get-go. There is, of course, a big difference. However, they are more easily able to talk to people without any necessary outcome (or even a 'real' reason). For example, if you talk to a stranger just to practice a charisma gambit, without any sexual intent, that is OK. It is actually a great way to gain social momentum. This makes your vibe better. The girls you are interested in will pick up on the good vibe. Fast-learners are generally good at accepting that one must see the forest for the trees. They've had to do so in other endeavors.


To be continued... (see pt. 2).